[agreynel]

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman attended the Olympic Games as spectators, but failed to get tickets for the main stadium.
The Englishman took a cannonball and got in by saying, 'I'm representing England in the shot.'
The Scotsman took a long pole and got in by saying, 'I'm representing Scotland in the pole vault.'
The Irishman took half a dozen stakes and three rolls of barbed wire and said to the official, 'I'm representing Ireland in fencing.'


A rich American challenged an Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman to drink ten pints of Guinness in ten minutes.
The Englishman tried but could manage only five pints.
The Scotsman did a bit better - he drank seven pints in ten minutes.
The Irishman downed the ten pints in nine minutes and as the American handed over the prize money he remarked. 'I didn't think you could do it.'
'I knew I could,' said the Irishman, 'because I did the same thing in the pub next door a few minutes ago.'

These were the last words of our three heroes.
The Englishman: Thank God I die in England.
The Scotsman: Thank God I don't die in England.
The Irishman: How can they make any profit on this stuff at ?2 a bottle?